What's REALLY In Your Bag?

I have a confession to make: I am a bag lady. The kind you see struggling with at least three to four (often more) nuzzled beneath her arms that makes you want to stop and ask: Honey, what's wrong?

When US Weekly pries open the purses of the rich and famous, they conveniently find fat-free yogurt, breath mints, and beautiful things. When you open up the bag of a real woman, you find a whole lot of nonsense. Here, ripped from the pages of your favorite glossy tabloid, we have recreated the What's In Your Bag feature. What we found was not glamorous, slightly disturbing, but certainly relatable. (Crumpled kleenex is always there for you guys, too, right?) Not pictured, for discretion: feminine hygiene products, three books, and of course, loose change to last for days. Here we go:

1 - Receipts. This is the fun thing they leave out of every "What's In Your Bag" feature. Maybe famous people don't have to pay for things (or never get receipts) but I guarantee you the average woman's purse is filled with at least 4-14.

2 - Vicks Vapor Rub. This year I have become a walking advertisement for all cold-related products. All I could do to stop hacking up a lung or blowing my nose this winter was continually douse my face with Vicks Vapor Rub. Vicks please send me free Vapor Rub. I'm like a natural born spokeswoman for you. Please. Don't make me beg.

3 - Pictures. Because ladies B sentimental.

4 - Pen. I've learned to never leave the house without one.

5 - Broken glass. This was meant to be a hilarious post that poked fun at US Weekly but shit got real when I realized I am a grown woman walking around with a shard of broken glass in my purse. We'll just skip to the next one.

6 - Jelly beans! Because Easter is right around the corner and clearly I can't contain my excitement (or my candy.)

7 - A punch card to a Fro-Yo place that just closed in my building. BASTARDS. As you can see, I was two punches away from enjoying an elaborately-topped fro-yo creation on the house.

8 - Neosporin. Because I'm frightfully over-prepared.

9 - Benadryl. See #8 and #2. All that's missing to complete this epic allergy trifecta is my epi pen, which I chose to leave out because of its dubious resemblance to some sort of weird sex toy.

10. Prescriptions, kleenex, cough drops. Clearly I should just work for Walgreens.

11. Stress candies. Yes, there is such a thing, and it's not the collection of stray jelly beans previously mentioned. Dr. Bach's rescue pastilles are tiny gummy candies made of plants that allegedly calm you down when you're stressed. I like to buy these because spending $8 on plant candies that supposedly teach me how to breathe makes me feel in control of my many neurosis. I'm your worst nightmare.

12. Shenandoah rollerball. This stuff smells so good, but I'm not willing to shell out $ for the full size. Plus, rollerballs are extra easy to tote around with you wherever you go and whip out when you need a' freshenin.'

13. Gloves. Because it's usually cold.

14. Aveda Hand Relief. Smells like lavender love. 

15. A few different lip balms, a bandaid, and some sunnies. Pretty standard, right?

Please tell me you have weird(er) shit in yours. Or at least a few stray pieces of candy.