Am I Present Yet?

Namaste. Woo-sah. Namaste. Woo-sah.  Is it working yet?

Didn’t think so. Because as I’m sitting here, I’m considering changing out of my work clothes, debating on finishing my day-old sushi (won’t) and thinking I should study but really just want to catch up on The Mindy Project--my mind is effectively racing. I should probably check my work email too, and touch-up my website because I’m a #girlboss like that but maybe I’ll just relax?

Maybe.

I’m home alone this week and after traveling so much this year (my heaven) I’m trying to enjoy the daily rigor of just being at home and having almost nothing to do. My nature tells me I should make plans, work ahead and generally get shit done. I have “Free” time and that’s a rare commodity according to the mountain of laundry threatening to consume me in the other room.

I took a break from ‘gramming for a week because I had deadlines and after that Essena O’Neill video I felt kind of guilty. I like sharing moments of my life with my Instafam. I enjoy editing the pictures and laughing at the outtakes later. I also enjoy sitting around a table and not seeing one person on their phone, so, I tried it. I cut myself off from posting for a few days and literally nobody noticed. Which is good because after about 30 seconds of thinking about it, I stopped noticing, too.

I keep pretty busy naturally so cutting out five minutes of combined editing and photographing doesn’t save much by way of energy expended, but when I forcibly made myself stop doing things (the laundry) because I felt like I had to, I found I was breathing a little bit easier. I’m still in “relax-mode” before my editing deadlines start creeping up again, but for a hot minute I found myself leisurely cleaning. How? Turns out, it isn’t always about doing nothing. It’s about doing because you want to. I got home from a Target binge and began putting up my new wall décor. I then accidentally cleaned my kitchen because it looked all-wrong against a messy counter. Not planned, yet somehow way more rewarding than if I made myself do the blasted laundry.

Daily we’re presented with #goals and illusions of sitting in cozy sweaters looking out rainy windows, but who actually has time for that? Instead, I’ll find my mindfulness and peace in cooking a big dinner, then avoiding the dishes by doing my homework. I can feel the tension uncoil as I feel like my life-hack is the secret to relaxing and being present in the best way I know how: by getting shit done.

This is not an ode to procrastination but a mere seedling to plant that proposes you don’t have to “do it all” all the time. Sometimes doing nothing in the form of doing something not useful might be just what the doctor ordered. A Hulu binge, 3 hours at Target (what you don’t do that?), reorganizing your sock drawer—whatever it is, just let yourself enjoy it, because that’s what being present is really about.