By Kayla Parks
"NO MORE GASLIGHTING US BEAUTIFUL BITTIES!!" - Rachel Holmes
I am so sick of women having the reputation of being the “crazy” ones in romantic relationships. How many times have you heard a man refer to a woman he’s been romantically involved with as being “crazy”?
Ladies, if you weren’t aware, let me enlighten you. We are clingy, we text too often, we overthink everything, we are constantly raging through PMS, and god forbid, sometimes we even express our unpleasant thoughts and emotions without giving prior notice.
For some guys, if a relationship goes to hell, it’s often because, “that chick was so crazy, man. She was really hot and had like, an awesome personality. We only hung out for two months, slept together, and went on dates, and then one day, she just randomly called me her BOYFRIEND, like we’re fucking engaged. Jesus, she was crazy. Sure glad I dodged that bullet.”
I want so badly to be empathetic towards those hypothetical guys. I will get to that later. But first - oh you sweet, stupid man-child. Referring to a girl that you’re “hanging out with,” “dating,” or “booty calling,” as “crazy,” is exactly the same way we refer to the weird stuff that your gender does or says. To prove my theory, I have surveyed* a large number of women** who gave exceptional anecdotal evidence.
*The survey was scientific and legit.
“I once dated a guy named Steve, whom had an identical twin brother named Stephen. One night, Steve and I made plans to hang out at my apartment. When Steve came over, I immediately knew something was off. Turns out, Steve was actually Stephen. To Stephen’s credit, he was acting like a good person, being gentlemanly, and playing himself off as Steve really well. He almost got away with it, but the way he was trying so hard to kiss me was a dead giveaway. Long story short, I called him out on it and demanded that he leave. On his way out, he stole my credit card to buy burritos.”
“A guy at a bar once told me I had beautiful legs and have I ever thought about donating them?”
“One time I went on a blind date and the man proceeded to tell me about how he used to clip his ex girlfriend’s toenails. In another incident, I said I didn't want to speak with someone anymore, and he responded with, "I guess you'll just be somebody that I used to know, like that song." One guy I dated would try to lift my shirt up in public, intentionally trying to make me flash people.”
“My date broke out in hives from nerves. He asked if I had any scars because he thought scars were ‘cooler than tattoos’. This confession about scars was after he had already told me that right before our date, he drank his brother's coffee that had 6 NoDoz added to it.”
“I was waiting for a sandwich the other day and a guy said "Butterfly, hello my butterfly. I call you butterfly cuz you beautiful. ...Are butterflies not beautiful? My butterfly don't speak? Lemme hear your voice butterfly." Then he started singing Crazytown, ‘Butterfly’ to me.”
“I went away for a weekend with a guy, and at the end of the weekend, he just abruptly got off a train stop. I didn't even know where I was.”
"I was on a blind date with a guy who recited a Jay-z song to me in spoken word. Like the entire 3 minutes."
“In an effort to win me back, my ex would enter my building and leave presents (candy, cookies, etc.) by my mailbox in the lobby. It was thoughtful, I suppose, but if a girl ever did something like that, she would definitely be a crazy stalker. “
“I was on a first date and he kissed me at the end. He then said, “for some reason the ‘L word’ is popping into my head.”
“I never go out with guys who ask me out at work. Regretfully, one time I made an exception. He asked me out in a nice, forward way - “Hey. You’re beautiful, and I think we should hang out sometime.” A few minutes into our date I knew that it was not going to go well. When the waiter brought our drinks to the table, the guy grabbed his drink off the tray (which the waiter was carefully balancing with one hand). Luckily the waiter was experienced, so the drinks didn’t crash everywhere. The waiter said something like, ‘DUDE. Don’t EVER do that again. NEVER grab a drink off a tray.’ By the end of the date, I had learned that as a kid that he had horrible anger management issues, he smokes 4-5 joints daily, and in fact, won’t go a day without marijuana. At the end of the date, he then leaned in for a kiss and I counteracted with a side hug, which led to him kissing the TOP OF MY HEAD. Soon after, I got multiple texts about how excited he was about our potential. After my non-replies, the last thing he said to me was, “It’s too bad, we could have had fun. Your loss.”
So let’s be clear about this. Women are not the crazy ones in relationships. If the genders were flipped in any of the above situations, the woman involved would immediately be named that “crazy girl,” or worse. I want women to lose that “crazy girl” label because it’s false and unfair. And yes, sometimes women are unfair to guys we don’t like by not giving them the respect they deserve. Here is where my empathy kicks in. At the end of the day (or date), men and women are both crazy. Amplify that by 100 if romantic feelings are involved. Sometimes you drunk dial, sometimes you’re too emotionally ambitious, and sometimes you just eat your feelings, until a caring friend steps in to stop your rapid downward spiral. But now, I have this CRAZY idea. What if you just accepted your own personal brand of “crazy,” and then when it comes to finding the right person for you, it will be so much easier. You just have to find the person who is the right kind of crazy for you.